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  President Rumpt

  Corrupt president, compulsive liar and vindictive buffoon

  Rumpt treats the presidency as a cash register and every law as another licensing opportunity. A compulsive liar, vindictive bully and spectacularly vain buffoon, he mistakes bought applause for intelligence. He demands loyalty, sells access and expects everyone else to pay.

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  Beava Cedarbank

  Master builder and Patchwork gig worker

  Beava is a beaver, a builder and a mother of four. She enjoys a stubborn repair and a good joke, and is learning to ask for help before she needs a second pair of paws.

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  Felicity Waiver

  Presidential press secretary and eager enabler

  Rumpt’s devoted press secretary. Every crime is genius, every failure is historic, and every camera is a chance to kiss the boss’s ass.

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  Ambrose Quell

  Trillionaire investor and chairman of Quell Continuance.

  Ambrose Quell bankrolls obedient governments and treats humanity as an operating expense. A courteous, psychopathic trillionaire, he plans to liquidate the inhabited planet for profit. His manners are impeccable; his idea of a good investment ends the world.

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  Constance Voss

  Treasury secretary and advocate for financially measurable public confidence.

  Constance Voss counts bribes as public approval and calls every outgoing bill a sign of confidence. The treasury secretary can praise a number in four different voices, but cannot bear to read the column marked AMOUNT DUE.

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  Dr. Lenora Bloom

  Health secretary and architect of the Patient Growth Initiative.

  Dr. Lenora Bloom treats healthy people as cancelled subscriptions. The sunny architect of the Patient Growth Initiative celebrates illness as demand, suffering as revenue and prevention as sabotage. Her bedside manner is excellent; her subtraction is not.